On Letting Go
I have a lot to let go of. I own ten sweaters, but only wear five. I have limiting beliefs about myself and the world that have never been true, yet I carry them still. I harbor fears that have never protected me. I engage in relationship dynamics that have never served me. I have a cabinet full of beauty products that I never use. I maintain skills and abilities that do not support my growth, yet I continue to fall back on. I hold pain, confusion, anger, frustration, and distrust that were never mine to carry. I cling to extrinsic needs that hinder the expression of my intrinsic values.
I have come a long way and relinquished many things. And yet, I have a lot to let go of.
So why do I hold on?
In a word: Fear. Fear of letting go of control. Fear of the void that will exist when I finally let go. Fear that by creating space, I will be less protected from the emotions I experience so strongly. Fear that I will transform through this purging process, and will no longer be able to lead the life I do today. Fear that letting go will send me down a new path I cannot turn away from. Fear of being open and exposed to the new. Fear that I will prefer the new to the old. Fear of the purpose and destiny I will no longer be able to hide from. Fear that something comfortable and familiar in me will have to die in order for me to become who I’m truly meant to be.
And yet, I want to let go.
When I let go of an item, belief, pattern, or relationship that no longer serves me, I have a strong tendency to grasp for or attract something similar and familiar to fill its place. Alternately, I have an equally strong desire to resist the urge to fill the space; to withstand the temptation to revert into my karmic conditioning. The former response is fear-based. It lives in my wounds. The latter is destiny-charged. It lives in my soul.
Whether I choose to let go or not, the day will come when surrendering the old and outworn will be inevitable. This will either happen by force or by my own volition. If I do not choose to let go, the nature of the release will be left up to the universe. If I do choose to let go, I begin consciously participating in the unfolding of my destiny.
The choice is mine, and, today, I choose to let go.
