“the earth can shift
the cosmos can converge
black holes can form
stars will die
be the sun
stay centered and shine”
- Allyn M. Fernandez
What does it mean to be whole? To be complete and unified? We chase after experiences, people, things, relationships, careers, degrees, and adventures to fill a void; to make ourselves whole. We long for our twin flame, our other half, our soul tribe, our ideal home, our calling, our big break, our utopia; something out there that will make us feel complete in here. But when did we stop being whole?
A wise friend wrote the above poem, entitled “Be the Sun,” and shared it with me for my birthday last year. As I conclude another rotation around the Sun, I have been thinking more about what it means to be whole; to remain centered in my core truth; in essence, to be the Sun.
So, who am I at my core? How do I define my self? Well, at the most basic level, I am Love. The other components that create the story of who I am rotate around and are powered by that Love. If I deconstruct or dive deeper into any thought I have, action I take, belief I hold, or goal I strive toward, Love is always at the root.
But what about fear, hatred, anger, and the more negative emotions tied to the human experience? Where is the Love there? Most of my fears stem from the fear of death, and there would be no overwhelming fear of death without an overpowering Love of life. And hatred? Hatred cannot exist without Love. Anything I proclaim to hate is in direct response to something I Love. Anytime I have experienced hatred for someone, that hate was born from Love; from hurt caused by not having my Love returned or receiving the Love I sought; from a perceived absence of Love in another’s actions.
If I am Love at my core, why do I sometimes feel as though I am not whole? I suppose this comes from the belief that my Love is not enough. And where does this belief come from? It comes from attempting to be the Sun for others and not succeeding; not being enough. Instead of realizing that we must each be our own Sun and tap into our own personal Love to feel whole, I have attempted to give my Love and parts of my core to others to fix them, save them, and help them feel complete. When these quintessential parts of me have been rejected, misused, or misunderstood, I have devalued them, feeling less whole as a result. So then I would seek. Seek Love from others. Seek external parts to fill the void in my core. Seek something to make me whole again. But I was always whole; never lacking, never incomplete.
Does this mean I should not share my Love? My warmth? My light? My Sun? No. It does mean I should not expect my Love to be enough for anyone but me. It means I can be the Sun and share my light with you without being your Sun. In doing so, I honor the wholeness in others and, in turn, honor my own innate wholeness.
I recently learned that the word “holy” is derived from a term meaning “separate.” Perhaps all we need to encounter our divinity, our holiness, is to acknowledge our wholeness as separate individuals, and grant all others the same recognition. Perhaps we are inherently holy, just as we are inherently whole, and all that keeps us from seeing our divine perfection is not so much the illusion of separateness, as it is the disillusion of togetherness.
So, as I turn the page and enter into a new year of me, my gift to myself is the remembrance that I am whole; that each of us is whole; that there is nothing to fix, fill, or complete. And as my current journey around the Sun comes to an end and my new one begins, I grant myself the freedom to Be the Sun, stay centered and shine.
** Special thanks to Allyn Fernandez for creating and sharing the poem that inspired this post and Sam Dierking for helping me brainstorm and explore this concept further **